Thursday, April 21, 2011

Long Time No Blog

long time no blog,
tagal na rin, haven't find a time to speak out my heart.
it's already been two months since i cut my hair.
i felt so much better, i feel reborn.
and i'm happy with it.
sobrang daming changes na ang nagyari sa akin,
kasabay ng pagbabago ko. physically.
i don't know how i was able to change myself gradually.
una, hindi na ako ang dating ako.
ewan ko, for the very first time i was able to acknowledge to myself that i have changed a lot.
i don't know if i became better or if i became a little bit worse than before.
but one thing's for sure, i can stand now on my own.
i don't know, maybe dahil ngayong college i have learned so much that i cannot trust everyone, that i cannot always lean onto someone that there will be times that i have to do it myself, that i have to survive every challenge on my own.
i don't know, i just woke up one day telling myself that i should be strong, simply because i have no one to be strong for me.
now, i am doing things for my own not for anyone else's sake.
i do articles not for anyone else to appreciate it, but i do this articles for me to grow.
i take responsibilities because i get encouragement from someone, but i take responsibilities because i wanted to regain my leadership skill.
i wake up each day not for the sake of those who need me or for someone who wants me to, but i wake up because i know i need and i have to.
there are so many things now that i enjoy most because i feel i am free.
i need not lie to my parents and hide my phone every time messages pop in.
i need not explain myself to anyone who has been questioning me because of some matters.
i need not make unnecessary adjustments in my schedule just to fill a space for someone.
i have grown so far from what i am before.
and i have realized, Papa God gave me that experience for me to be strong enough for myself.
i understand everything now and i can say i am happy now.
i was given the chance and i didn't waste it, i tried to nurture the friendship as much as i can.
but you know, everything in this life is but temporary, it just so happened that i had my time done.
maybe it's now time for Papa God's new plan for my life. A plan i didn't know where it will bring me or if it will make or break me.
basta, okay na ako ngayon, mas okay na dahil hinayaan ni Papa God na magkaroon ng formal end ang lahat. Because if there's no period at the end of a sentence, I cannot start a new sentence and make my own new story.
I'm still thankful of everything,
una, okay naman ako this second sem, nakaka kaba ang isang subject pero keri pa naman.
pangalawa, sobrang blessed ako to find a new family with my blockmates whom now I can spend more time.
pangatlo, i got the chance to have my ojt in philippine star.
at last, i became an officer sa pax which gave me back the feeling I have been longing since then, the feeling to serve my fellow students in the simplest way i can.
I don't know where will this journey bring me, but one thing's for sure, I can do this by myself, siyempre with the help of others pa rin but I won't be too dependent now.
I have changed, I don't know if I became better or I became a lesser one. All I know now is, I'll just go with the flow.

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