Friday, July 4, 2014

Tired of being and feeling

Why does a single action, decision, choice, that didn't pass your standards makes you treat me like I'm the worst daughter on earth.

You hated me for leaving the house early then going home late with friends.
You hated me for going home late (late like 9:00pm).
You hated me for going to bed early then waking up late the next day.
You hated me for thinking that I'm not doing anything to be employed, again, just because I don't tell you the details of what I am doing.
You hated me for not taking the jobs/companies you think I should.
You hated me for being not in the mood without knowing why I was not.
You hated me for not saying sorry for being myself, for doing the things I do, for pursuing the dreams I want to, for finding friends who accepts my imperfections and for finding a partner who supports and loves me all throughout.

Everytime you'll treat me like this, I always ask myself if I my efforts are not that enough for you to see how good a daughter I was. I didn't fail any subject at school, I never misbehaved, I never had a relationship until after college graduation, I didn't have sets of friends whom you think is a bad influence, I never ever ever argue on why you've always been in favor and proud of my brother and his achievements.

Seriously, it's been like this for 22 years? I thought I've already mastered the art of "no reaction". Maybe these are the reasons why I wanted to be free, why I strive that hard to make myself better and be the best in the field that i want to, why i want to be somewhere where people appreciates the person, the real me, whom I've compromised for years.
I really don't demand appreciation, but I also don't want this kind of treatment like forever. I believe I was, and I am, a good daughter to you, both.

I'm so tired of being and feeling like this. 😥😒