I'll be missing you Tita -- I was not able to say thanks and goodbye

I really don't know how to start. Let me thank her in the best way I know.

My emotions are still strong, I feel pain, sadness, guilt and regret because of loosing someone whose so dear to me. Tita, my highschool friend's mom, who had been so nice to me ever since.

She never forgets to greet me every holidays, she never forgets to ask how's school, she even give me gifts if there's an occasion. 

More importantly, she never failed to ask how am I doing, how's my life and if there's anything wrong. She had always been there for me.

I was so lucky, to think I'm not her own child, but hey, she made me feel I was hers that I was not just an ordinary classmate of his son whose calling her Tita, but I'm actually like a real niece or daughter to her.

I just found out that Tita was sick because my classmate told my mom. I started to be worried since I knew that she had been diagnose of breast cancer.

I'm too coward to handle this kind of things, I don't know how to hide the fear I'm feeling. I'm too scared just by knowing someone's sick. I hated the feeling that I know someone's sick, how much more knowing she's really dear to me.

After graduation, I find it hard to catch up with my highschool classmates. Good thing birthdays do come, I celebrated my 18th and invited her son. She even managed to greet me, she never failed to greet me every holidays.

I asked his son if how was she, he said to me that Tita's doing fine. Tita also said to me that she's recovering.

I hold on to that hope that in time, she'll be fine like before. 

I promised to visit her one of these days, but I never did. I was too busy at school and find no time to visit her.

I'm so guilty about it. I wanted to see her, have a little chit-chat with her, see if she's doing okay and bring her pastillas.

But I never did.

----

I was clueless until I read his son's tweet. I immediately felt nervous, scared that I almost want to cry after reading his tweet. I send him a message right away and the shocking reality hit me.

She passed away last oct 11.

I wanted to cry, I couldn't believe what I just knew.

All along, I hold on to that hope that she's doing well, that one of these days I will really visit her.

But I can never do those things now, I can never.

I was too late, Papa God called her child back to his arms and I was not able to say thanks and goodbye to her.

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Dear Tita,

Sorry po, hindi na po kayo na-bisita. Sorry po, sobrang dami po kasing ginagawa sa school.

Sorry po ni-hindi ko man lang po kayo nakita. :'(

Thank you po sa lahat ng holiday greetings ninyo sa akin. Sa lahat po ng pangangamusta.

I want you to know how much you mean to me. You're like a mother to me.

You always cared for me like I was really yours. I thank you for that big trust you have given to me as kuya ron's friend.

I will never ever forget you Tita.

You don't know how much pain I am feeling now, I didn't even know you're gone.

I was not able to see you for the last time, to say thanks and say goodbye.

Hehe. Siguro nga po masyado po akogn madrama ngayon, pero alam ko naman pong gets ninyo ako.

Don't worry Tita, lagi ko pong kakamustahin si kuya ron.

I know you're in a better place now Tita. Just keep watching on us, on me.

You'll always be in my prayers.

Again, thank you and I love you so much.

Will be missing you so much, Bianca