PhotoFeels: Tested

Tired of being and feeling

Why does a single action, decision, choice, that didn't pass your standards makes you treat me like I'm the worst daughter on earth.

You hated me for leaving the house early then going home late with friends.
You hated me for going home late (late like 9:00pm).
You hated me for going to bed early then waking up late the next day.
You hated me for thinking that I'm not doing anything to be employed, again, just because I don't tell you the details of what I am doing.
You hated me for not taking the jobs/companies you think I should.
You hated me for being not in the mood without knowing why I was not.
You hated me for not saying sorry for being myself, for doing the things I do, for pursuing the dreams I want to, for finding friends who accepts my imperfections and for finding a partner who supports and loves me all throughout.

Everytime you'll treat me like this, I always ask myself if I my efforts are not that enough for you to see how good a daughter I was. I didn't fail any subject at school, I never misbehaved, I never had a relationship until after college graduation, I didn't have sets of friends whom you think is a bad influence, I never ever ever argue on why you've always been in favor and proud of my brother and his achievements.

Seriously, it's been like this for 22 years? I thought I've already mastered the art of "no reaction". Maybe these are the reasons why I wanted to be free, why I strive that hard to make myself better and be the best in the field that i want to, why i want to be somewhere where people appreciates the person, the real me, whom I've compromised for years.
I really don't demand appreciation, but I also don't want this kind of treatment like forever. I believe I was, and I am, a good daughter to you, both.

I'm so tired of being and feeling like this. 😥😒

PhotoFeels: first, love completely, understanding follows

Summer Escapade: Biyaheng Quezon

A worth it summer escapade.

My colleague and I were planning our "yearly" summer escapade, last year we went to Caliraya Resort, and for this year, we wanted to get soaked in the beach.
We were reviewing magazine-shows and travel blogsites and came across Mr. Bratpacker's blog entry about an island located in the province of Quezon.

Since it was our first time to go on an island and camp, we continue on reading blogs to know what to bring and what to expect in the island. Good thing we found blog reviews about Sir Ron's (you can try to contact him thru 09496362087) island package which is very hassle-free and very affordable.

Let the journey begin!

2am- left Cubao
6am- arrived at Lucena Grand terminal
7am- departure to Padre Burgos (via mini bus)
8am- arrival to Padre Burgos
(At sir ron's house particularly. Their family's so great, they let us charge our phones, use the bathrooms, and provide everything we needed for our stay at the island, one more thing, it was the town fiesta that day!)

The unforgettable summer escapade begins here,
9.30am- boat ride to Dampalitan Island (before riding the boats, the local government of Padre Burgos requires each guests to register in their office for safety and security purposes)

We owned the boat!! ⛵

The boat ride gave us the chance to appreciate the scenery of the island, the bluish green water, the heat of the sun, the trees dancing through the wind, and the smell of the salted water. It was really captivating.
From the boat, I already saw the island, there were few tents standing between the coconut trees, kids swimming in a netted area in the beach, and pnatives that are welcoming us. I just can't help but be amazed with the wonderful place I am that moment, my hands just can't stop on clicking my camera trying to capture the beauty of the island.

A paradise

Our whole Saturday was dedicated to explore the beauty of Dampalitan. It was a serene island, we only had few groups staying at the island, a good place for relaxation I must say.

We didn't waste any time and began eating, Sir Ron and his family provided us with almost everything we need in our stay at the island. Our food, the utensils, a cooler with lots of ice, drinking water, and food, food, food. 

Afterwhich we got the chance to take a nap (conserving energy for the adventure we're up to), then soaked ourselves, well not that much, at the beach under the heat of the sun. We explored the island, (though we didn't enjoy much of the beach since it's too hot and because of the presence of jellyfish) its white and fine sand, the breeze of fresh air hitting the trees, and the beautiful rock formations.

There was this place at the other end of the shore where rocks are formed and this place has the awesome-est view of the island.

Dampalitan Island

 

Heading back to our tent, we decided to enjoy the island (the heat of the sun and the heat of the sand) and took our jumpshots! 

In the afternoon after eating our merienda (again courtesy of Sir Ron and the town fiesta), when it's already low tide, we got the chance to explore the other end of the shore, tadaaaa! Felt like we're on another island, a particular rock formation that is somewhat the same as the one in Ilocos.
I think this one was formed through the forceful waves hitting the side of the hill which made its shape and uneven colored (white, cream, yellow, and brown), even the sand (consists of pieces of corals, shells, and small rocks) in this side is different from the main shoreline of Dampalitan.

We were also able to walk up to the center of the sea because of the low tide. The sand was a bit rough but slippery (because of the existence of moss, corals, shells, and small holes), but that was the place where we watched the sunset.

By time the sun set, our adventure began, camping!

Late afternoon, we already gathered small pieces of wood, branches, dried leaves, and dried coconut shells to be used for our bonfire. We also began fixing our things, cleaning up the tents, setting up the little bonfire, and the biggest challenge, finding fresh water to be used for washing up. We were already warned that aside from the salted water, there's no other available water and shower room in the island. Good thing we didn't bathe that much in the beach and that we had extra drinking water we can use to brush teeth, wash face, and wash our, that thing, hahaha.

After fixing everything, we're all set for dinner but we had to wait since Sir Ron still had to walk from the center of the sea because the boat can't get any nearer the island, it's low tide! The food was worth the wait, seafood feast with chit-chats about life and love.

Our island feast! 🍴
Top photo: the first meal we had in the island (fried fish, crabs, and mechado)
Bottom photo: the overloaded seafood dinner (crabs, menudo, inihaw na pusit, fried fish, and pinakbet)

After dinner, we decided to clean up and set up the bonfire, we got the materials all by ourselves, it turned out to be few and small, nontheless we had emergency lights and natural shine from the moon and the stars. Open up the crackers, the liquor, and the hearts. There were so many things, over a year, that has changed. We're already taking different career paths, taking life as a serious thing, making mature decisions, and living life to its fullest.

For me, during this time, I was dealing with (so far) the most difficult stage of growing up, the feeling of being lost and having a relationship on the rocks. The island gave me the chane to think cleary and make decisions, that up until now, I am proud of.

The beautiful sunrise, calmness of the sea, and the chirpping of the birds greeted us in the morning. A typical Filipino breakfast was served, hot pandesal, steamed rice, hotdogs, eggs, dilis, and hot coffee. We started to fix our things, today's for island hopping! And yes, we bid goodbye to Dampalitan island and say hello to the endless waters of Quezon.

Summer at its best

It's island hopping time!

We're crossing the endless waters of Quezon with the breathtaking scenery of the green mountains and bluish green water. On our way to Isla Puting Buhangin in Pagbilao, Quezon, we saw local fishermen with small boats loaded with lots of box-like cages, Sir Ron said the rich bodies of waters in Quezon provides livelihood to the locals (fishing, catching shrimps, crabs, and mussels).

Amazing views like the Pagbilao Powerplant, stationed in between mountains of Quezon, and the view of the island of Marinduque welcomes tourists like us. The whole boat ride became a non-stop "Wows", "Ganda", and ngangas, and these didn't end as we reach Isla Puting Buhangin.

top photo: view of island from the cave entrance
bottom photo: view of the cave from the island shore

This island is very suitable for swimming, the beach has clear but deep water, the sand is a bit fine (with minimal shells and small rocks) and  white, and the sun is saying hello to almost everywhere in the island except inside the Kwebang Lampas.

The cave, in particular, touched the adventurous part in us. The route towards the cave was a struggle, water's too deep at the side of the beach and the presence of slippery big rocks are all over the place, well actually it didn't matter, we were too excited to go inside the cave.

As we come nearer the cave's entrance, the waters became colder, the rocks became more slippery, and the air became colder. And as we enter the cave, beautiful Cave Formations (or rock formations) welcomed us. These are mostly green and brown in color, a bit slippery, (this happens when acid reacts to limestones or rocks containing calcium carbonate) and with different forms (including stalactites and stalagmites). Upon reaching the center of the cave, we were more amazed by the presence of another cave entrance overlooking the endless blue sea sparkling through the scorching heat of the sun.

We didn't stay that long inside the cave, we've been wanting to soak ourselves in the salt water under the heat of the sun. When the noon striked, we then decided to leave the island and head to Borawan.

Some of our fail unerwater shots,
the very salty water made us struggle to open our eyes underwater 😎

Picture perfect

Borawan Island

Finally, we hit the famous Borawan island (well they say it's just their way of promoting the three islands, but in reality Borawan is far behind the two). The island named Borawan because of its Boracay-like fine white sand and Palawan-like rock formations.

We did not enjoy that much of the beach, the water is too deep and the island is too narrow, (like the tents were just few steps away from the shoreline) instead we enjoyed picture taking. The island was a picture perfect one, different and big rock formations and man-made bamboo bridges, hence the presence of these large rocks blocks the fresh air to circulate well in the island giving a very humid temperature during afternoon. But one good thing in Borawan is that they do offer clean shower rooms with fresh water and they have a souvenir shop.

After few pictures, we decided to head back to the town proper, had a sumptuous lunch courtesy of Sir Ron and his family. Finally had the chance to take a shower, packed our things, and head back to Manila.

Our two-day stay at the islands of Quezon was a worth it, one-of-a-kind summer escapade. These islands needs more support from their local government to develop and eventually turn the hidden islands into tourist destinations.

PhotoFeels: Being a girlfriend

PhotoFeels: Believe that it'll be good, soon

lost and found, and lost again.

It's already been a long time since I wrote about anything. The past months, weeks, days, have been bittersweet for me.
I must say, I cannot remember where should I start writing about.

Do you ever feel the feeling of being lost?
I do, I am.

The biggest decisions I made after college were resigning from my long term job and risking everything to reach my dream.

I have heard people ask, say, and even conclude what made me decide to leave my job, (of course, 5 working days, fixed working hours, good office space/materials, accessible place, some good people, and somewhat good paying job for a fresh grad with no experience).

I have been working for that Institution for almost 2 years. It became my training ground, right after graduation they became the newest people outside of school. I struggled, it was not hard to adjust to these people, rather it was hard to prove myself, that I am worthy of my position and that I am not just the niece of the Senior Vice President.

It challenged me until I reached the point that I already build myself. I proved it to everyone, I really mean to everyone. I became good in what I do, I developed my skills and share it to others. I learned things I never thought I could do, I met well-known people and ordinary persons with amazing stories.

I lived by this routine for so long, I never had the chance to go out of the box and think. Think if I am okay with okay, if I deserve something better and if I can do something else.

You know the feeling of being lost?
I did, I was.

I got the chance to get off from work for 2 weeks.
I did enjoyed my time in Singapore, far from the walls of my work, no contact from my superiors, media contacts, or any other friends.
For the first time, I was away from my comfort zone, I was away from the life I had after school. This was the first time I had the chance to explore, to see the world outside of the box, the first time I saw other opportunities, the first time I saw and heard stories from different people from different careers.

Then I told myself, there's more to life than my routine (do coverage-write stories-pass stories-publish stories-do coverage-write stories-pass stories-publish stories). I wanted to explore life's endless possibilities, I want to know what can I do and for the first time, I want to do what I really dreamed of.

Do you know the feeling of being lost, then suddenly you found all the answers?
I did, I found it.

I left my comfort zone, despite everything I heard from everyone, including my parents. I just told myself, these people already had enough in controlling my life, it's about time I own what's mine.

After a month, I went to Singapore and tried to look for a job. It was challenging but I was too determined. Yes, some people never got tired of giving me unsolicited opinions, but I really didn't cared at all.
There were so may chances, but maybe chances doesn't mean any of it is for you. And yes, unfortunately, after almost 2 months of trying, I was able to find a job but not a working pass. (It's too complicated to explain).

Do you know the feeling of being lost in the middle of your journey?
I did, I was, I was nowhere.

But I told myself, I cannot afford that when the time comes I look back my life and I'll find this chapter having regrets, that I should have done and risks things to achieve what I want.

Again, after a month, I go back, and too surreal, I was able to work in a restaurant. People who knows me well will know how I want to work in a restaurant despite graduating from a different degree.

Do you know the feeling of being lost, then finding yourself exactly at the place, at the moment, you've been wanting and dreaming of?
I did, I am.

I have worked for more than 2 months in this restaurant. Everyday, I woke up tired from last night's very late off from work, but it was alright. I was doing things I dreamed of, I was actually excelling in this field.

I was using my skills, I was taking care of answering reservations, entertaining guests, leading my co-service staff, communicating between our guests, kitchen staff, service staff and even to my superiors.

It was the point of my life that I saw the beauty in cleaning tables and arranging plates, cutlery, glasses and menus. I loved dealing with hard-headed guests and some co-workers.
I began loving late night sleeps then late wake ups, doing my own laundry and cooking during off days, wearing my black shirt, pair of light khaki jeans, and my pair of Toms, and valuing my 1hr massage and mani-pedi moments.

I have proven myself worthy of all the sacrifices and risks I have taken. I knew I will be good at this thing, and I really am. People loved what I do and how I do my job, they loved me as the person I am and I loved every sweat I have because of walking back and forth, understanding the demands of the guests, my boss' and yes, even my boyfriend's demands.

I was at the point of feeling that I am actually having everything I want and need. I was enjoying the career I am dreaming of. I am with the person I want to be. I just never thought it would be this hard to feel lost again since I needed to go back because they still couldn't give me a working pass.

Do you know that feeling when you're having everything then you realize you're lost? Again?
The feeling that you don't know where are you going? 
That even the only person you want to understand you doesn't feel like he cares? 
That somewhere along the journey, you unconsciously left parts of yourself, until you realize you're already different.

Sometimes I think I'm already not normal, that maybe I was just over thinking things, or  maybe wanting this dream that really wasn't for me, or even putting pressure in the relationship I am right now. But I can't help it, specially in times where you wanted to express, but I'm ending up still misunderstood.

I ask myself, is this a part of growing up?
That you always have to be lost to be found, then be lost again and be found again? To feel that at one point of your life you know exactly what you want then suddenly at another point you're completely lost? That you still can't figure out on when and where to start? Or kept on asking what's next? That you're thinking if you two is still working this relationship out because you still love each other or just pressured by what others expect?

Think, think, think, think...
How I wish together with being lost, there's always being found.