Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

This year has been a big one for me. I experienced almost everything I wanted and I least expected.

Cheers to 2011 for giving me the best lessons in life!

--- Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

January:

Hello New Year!

I welcomed the year finally having the courage to cut my hair! Cutting my hair was the start of a new me. New image, a better and stronger me.

I owe this courage to Royd who convinced me a lot to cut my hair this short. He may not know but I really owe a lot to him, if he didn't boost my confidence, I would still be stucked in my "manang" total package.

I really had the blast of the year. Starting the year right made my way.

Luckily I have experienced a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a part of my dear Alma Mater grandest celebration!

UST @ 400!!

I am really proud to be a part of this historical event. I never expected that I would have that amount of love for my dear school who I owe a big part of my life now.

February:

Finally! Celebrated Valentine's day differently for this year. Had a big V-day party with friends -- this made me feel happy without thinking that I will again spend this day different from others.

April & May:

These months were the "peak" of my year.

I had the "best" summer of my life. Although I was not able to soak my self under the heat of the sun, like I usually do, I was able to experience different things that I will never ever forget in my entire life.

I was very lucky to meet new people, whom I owe a lot of the best experience with.

This summer made me the "independent" person that I've always wanted. I actually learn so many things in just span of months.

This summer made me both the "happiest" and the "saddest".

I was able to build my personality to what I've always been wanted to be. I appreciate my worth, I appreciate my skills, I appreciate who I really am.

Of course, for the sake of balance, I also experience the biggest "mature" heartache that I could imagine.

But that's how life goes, fairytales does not exist, it's actually both a good and a bad thing though.

September & October:

It has been a whirlwind to me, lots of school works to do. Of course, I wouldn't forget all my hardships with our broadjourn and thesis. I must say that what happened both break and make me at that moment.

Heartaches from failures, happiness from experience, lessons that value the most more than anything else.

I was able to push myself to the limit, at least to the limit I know.

Of course, I didn't forget to celebrate for my own. Hello teen-no-more years! Proudly, I became a grown-up. I became more mature, more strong and more hopeful as I face the new chapter of my life.

Latter part of October & December:

Of course, for the sake of balance, I (again) entertain the concept of love. The latter part of my month became the most "inlove" moments of my life. Love actually made me experience its both sides, the happy and the side sides.

I can say that I am happy towards the last few months before this year ends.

I was able to build a stronger relationship with my dearest blockmates, a deeper relationship with God and a new relationship with others.

*Happiest Moments of this year:

- the day I had my hair cut - the whole ojt experience - my first time not to pay a bus ride - badings' first overnight at our house - glee musical 
- UST @ 400! - the whole broadjourn experience - himigsikan - mmab

- my 20-teen celebration - the whole semestral break experience

- our retreat at caleruega - Journ1 Christmas Party! - Our last Paskuhan as students - Christmas Eve

(there will always be low points of the year)

*Saddest memories:

- broadjourn grades - summer heartache - my year ender heartache

2011 gave me the biggest blessings of my life, I am very thankful that for the past 12 months I have grown stronger and happier.

I must say that this year gave me the hardest challenges that I ever imagined. Two heartbreaks in a year? Oh c'mon, I must really be that strong to conquer both. Lots of school pressures? I've surpassed it all with my head up high.

Changes in my environment, I actually deal with it with a positive outlook.

Now, dear 2012, I know you'll be giving me more challenges and more blessings.

So what are you waiting for? I'm so ready, I've never been this ready, I'll always be ready -- bring it on!

--- Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

THE BEST PART OF MY YEAR:

DECEMBER 17, 

BOYFRIEND... <3

Happy New Year!

uy, masakit pa rin ang puso ko.

uy, masakit pa rin ang puso ko.

ba't ganon? we were together 'again' last tuesday.

we actually spend the whole day together, guess what, I did nothing but to hear the real story behind them.

here it goes...

they were classmates in gradeschool and continued to be friends, but not that close, until now.

since they are friends, they had this little chit-chat before Christmas, they had few drinks and that's how it all began, actually continued.

this beautiful-white girl admitted to him that she's attracted to him and this man, felt the same when they were still young.

"Crush ko talaga yun dati nung gradeschool kami, pero nawala kasi tropa kami, nung October lang naman ulit kami naging close ulit eh, kaso wala lang sa akin yun kasi may ibang girl akong gusto. Nagulat talaga ko kasi gusto niya din pala ako," that's how he excitedly narrated the story to me.

I don't want to assume, pero mukang ako yung "ibang girl" niya, but what happened? why he choose her over me? Isn't the present should be more important? 

I can't help but connect things happened in between.

All this time, sa bestfriend niya ako nagseselos pero meron pa lang mas dapat akong pagselosan.

How come I didn't realized na merong iba? Am I that manhid? haha. Maybe.

Last Christmas Eve, we attended the mass together, and guess what, he said he'll just follow me inside the church to check if he properly locked the car, but after all, he and this girl met outside the church. Proof? they had a photo together.

How come I didn't notice it? Oh well papel. haha.

Back to what had happened last tuesday, okay fine, he changed his phone's wallpaper with "their" photo.

I don't care much about that, I had a picture with my boyfriend as my wallpaper. Haha.

And yes, kilig na kilig siyang katext yung girl niya. At ako, buti na lang I have really good friends who keeps me company.

The catch, he kept on peeping on my phone and asked about "my boyfriend" (ohhh sorry my dearest boyfriend. haha.).

You see, medyo confused pa rin ako, ewan ko. As usual he drove me home, there's really something that I cannot and don't want to explain, he looks at me. Not just ordinary looks, I know, he meant something. 

Oh c'mon, can we just get over it?? Hindi ko na gusto nangyayare sa akin, gabi gabi na lang I go out and drink. This is not so me, pwede kayang ganon ako ka-hurt kaya nagagawa ko ang mga bagay na ito??

** punong puno ng ka-bitteran at heartache ang last blog entries ko for 2011, i'm so sorry for that.

ako siyempre.

oh ano, kaya mo bang malaman lahat ng detalye tungkol sa kanila na hindi nawawala ang ngiti sa mukha mo, na hindi mo pinapakita na apektado ka actually, na kunyare okay lang lahat sayo at nirereverse mo yung feeling mo back sa kung ano lang talaga kayo dati, "friends" siyempre.

sige sabihin mo, sinong baliw ngayon. ako siyempre.

simple things -- makes me happy

Eto, etong nagpapasaya ng buhay ko. <3 <3 <3

ngayon lang ulit :))

I CAN'T AFFORD ANOTHER HEARTBREAK FOR THIS YEAR.

</3 T.T

*thank you dear three bottles for keeping me company tonight.

why good things have to go so wrong?

I'm too happy, I cannot bear this much pain in my heart. I really can't. 

I became too fragile, I long too much for that feeling, things can't go wrong now.

Everything happened meant nothing.

The same story happens all the time. I should have known better, I should have not believe in the first place.

Guess all the happiness we shared together should be re-payed with so much sadness.

Oh c'mon, just let me hurt for tonight, for tomorrow I should gain strength for I'll have to fake a wonderful smile again.

Christmas 2011 :)

Our Christmas 2011

together...

*first time that I''ll be posting a photo of us. haha. maybe it's the last either.

We had Christmas Eve together.

He cooked baked macaroni with lots of cheese for me, I made mango graham cake for him.

Attend midnight mass together.

Exchange gifts, ate Noche Buena with yummy hot chocolate.

He let me slept in his room, I made him slept on the couch.

The next day, ate breakfast together then he drove me to Inang's house.

Christmas morning :)

(this happened as I was doing this blog entry)

*I was about to say many things about this blog entry, I already typed my thoughts on my phone just so I won't forget it. After two days of happiness, I woke up today slapped by a reality -- a hurtful reality from him.

I realized, there's really no "us", really. There's really nothing between us so I have no right to demand anything from him, if he pursue others, I have no right to feel anything actually. Haha. 

Darn, why do I always end up like this? oh fate. Let's see what happens next or if there will be next time really.

*what happened next? finally, he admitted, he's inlove with someone, it's not me, it's somebody else. 

Merry Christmas to YOU, a blessing God gave to me :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIENDS!!

I thank Papa God for giving me a Blessing like YOU.

Can you just promise me to take good care of yourself and continue being a wonderful person. :)

SMILE, GOD AND I LOVES YOU. >:D<

[it's an early greeting because i won't be home or may not be able to go online on Christmas day :). ]

--

hindi ko pala kaya -- kahit gaano ka-extreme ang feelings ko for him, hindi ko pala kaya.

i'm awake, barely awake.

for one moment -- everything stopped

sometimes, our life can be like fireworks, it's beautiful, it's dramatic, it's breath-taking and it's short.

-- so cherish every moment, it may not last long but we always have a lifetime to cherish every single moment of it.

tulungan ninyo ko please? baliw na ako.

Lord help naman, nakakatakot na ko, ibang level na po ang nararamdaman kong pagka-crush sa kanya.

tunay na crush ko na po talaga siya.

baliw na po ako, lagi po akong naka-ngiti pagka tinitignan ko pictures namin kahit nga po sa personal eh, di lang po ngiti hanggang tenga, ngiting may kilig pa po.

ibang level na po talaga, baliw na po talaga ako Lord.

baliw na po talaga ako, nagseselos na rin po ako sa iba kasi marami nang may crush din sa kanya.

abnoy na po ako Lord, ba't po ba ako nagka ganito.

dati pa po crush ko na siya eh, pero di naman po ako ganito, pero bakit ngayon ganito na po ako.

Lord, baliw at abnoy na po talaga ako.

di ko lang po siya crush, mahal ko na po siya. Lord, baliw na po talaga ko.

Paki batukan nga po ako para di na po ako maging baliw, para bumalik na po ako sa normal.

Yyung di na po baliw, yung kinikilig kilig lang po talaga ako, yung kilig na maya-maya wala na, di po yung katulad ng kilig ko ngayon na sobrang kilig na po talaga. Baliw na po talaga ako Lord.

Nako Lord, di ko po alam ba't ako nagkaganito, bigla po akong nabaliw.

Baliw na po talaga ako Lord.

Kinikilig po ako sa taong di naman kikiligin sa akin kahit kailan, nako, baliw na po talaga ako.

Seryoso na po talaga 'to. Kailangan ko na po ng tunay na tulong, ayoko na pong maging baliw.

Please Lord? Okay lang naman pong kiligin pa rin ako sa kanya eh, pero ayoko na po ng ganitong feeling, pang abnoy na po eh. Di ko na kaya ito, ibang level na eh.

TIME with HIM will always be WORTH IT

It's really good to spend some time for myself, with God and with these special people. 

I knew myself more, I knew God more and I knew these special people more.

College Retreat 

Caleruega, Batangas

December 5, 6, 7 2011

It's a whole package, everything just fall into place. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

 :))

everything inside this room. :)

doing our life... oh whatever you call that piece of paper that made me knew every person in my class a little deeper.

shot at the "fallopian tube" inspired staircase

photo inside the veritas hall

sobrang nakakabusog na stay :)

the view at the back of our home :)

the "warp" to escape the reality :)

we almost touch-ed the sky :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bon fire!

<3 <3 <3

life is a rumbaga garandura, itsakabum bagagarandura ohhhh.

thank you for the shot Kuya Father!

and yes, we still have to go back to reality... it's not goodbye rather 'til next time.

few steps away

and yes, konti na lang, malapit na :)

cheesecakes with love

spend almost half of the day with him. 
baked cheese cakes then had a sea food lunch. 
whatever this is -- it makes me SMILE. <3

Pamawi ng pangamba -- sapat ka na.

BUTI NA LANG ANJAN KA PARA PAKALMAHIN AKO SA NANGANGARAG KONG BUHAY NGAYON. :))